Hello friend.
Adolescence floored me.
I binged the whole series in two nights.
After the last episode finished, I turned off the telly and sat silently, gathering my thoughts.
Later, my wife and I talked for hours into the night about how deeply it moved us. This wasn't normal.
Adolescence follows the life of Jamie Miller, a seemingly ordinary 13-year-old boy who has been accused of doing an unspeakable crime.
The four-part drama follows detectives, psychologists, and Jamie’s loved ones as they deal with the tragedy's fallout, with very few answers as to why it happened .
Adolescence is a masterclass in directing and editing. Each one-hour episode is done in a single take, dragging you deeper into Jamie's world.
But for me, this program hit a little too close to home.
Long-time subscribers know I’ve faced a similar situation, which thankfully, had a better outcome.
That’s why I fully support this program and urge every adult working with young people to watch it.
Guys, this post is equally for parents and carers as it is for educators. Educators feel free to send this to the parents and carers you know.
Here are four things I believe all adults can learn from ‘Adolescence.’
Major spoilers ahead! If you haven’t watched the show, stop now, watch it, and return later.
#1 The Most Dangerous Place In Your Child’s World Might Be Their Bedroom
When I was growing up in East London, my parents were very aware of ‘bad eggs’ in my neighbourhood.
That meant I had a curfew. I had to be in before the sun went down because I would be safe in my bedroom.
They reasoned that there was nothing in my room that could possibly harm me.
Those times are long gone.
The show never fully explains why Jamie stabbed his female classmate to death.
But it’s heavily implied that Jamie wasn’t very outgoing and spent much of his time cooped up in his bedroom online streaming and gaming.
Unknown to his parents, Jamie was regularly exploring the darker corners of the internet and was sucked into the ‘manosphere’ – toxic hate groups that promote violence and cruelty towards women.
Online spaces are increasingly shaping our young people's minds and exposing them to harmful ideologies.
According to the Youth Endowment Fund1:
• 70% of teens see real-life violence on social media
• A quarter of violent content seen by teenage children is pushed by social media platforms
• 1 in 9 see content featuring zombie knives or machetes
Many of us have given our kids smartphones and tablets and just let them 'crack on with it.' Hey, I’m just as guilty as any other person.
But as responsible adults, it’s vital that we monitor our children’s online activities and help them navigate them safely.
It's not about 'throwing their phones out the window' or locking them out of all the apps. But it's about being curious about what they are watching and being aware of the latest online trends.
This allows us to have mature and honest conversations with our kids that might save their lives.
Things like:
• Having set limits for phone use
• Having 'phone-free' dinner times to talk
• Letting them know it's OK to express difficult emotions
• Getting to know what the different emojis in their text messages mean2.
Would you trust Elon Musk or Mark Zuckerberg to look out for your children’s interests?
While we can’t control billion-dollar social media giants, we can still influence our homes and classrooms.
We still need to stay in the game and fight for our children.
#2 We Need to Look Out for Our Boys
There is a problem brewing with our lads.
Amnesty International recently polled Gen Z females about their social media use3 and found these shocking statistics.
• More than half (53%) received inappropriate emojis (e.g., 🍆💦) on their posts and photos
• 44% received unsolicited explicit images
• 43% were body-shamed
• 40% were subjected to unwanted sexually suggestive comments
Many of our boys have been sold a dream of what manhood is by these ‘red-pill influencers.’
According to their spiel, unless you are jacked, rich and attractive, you are a ‘loser.’
We live in a culture where social media algorithms favor loud, toxic voices over values like honour, civility, duty, and community.
This hyper-violent, crass, gaudy masculinity has taken centre stage online, and it’s little wonder why male depression, anxiety and suicide are rising year on year.
I am not saying that there are quick fixes and easy solutions. In the past, I have written about the vast macro-changes in society that have disrupted everything from employment to dating and why we account for these changes.
But we must create spaces for young men to be able to talk openly about how they feel and show healthy counterpoints to this caricature of masculinity.
We must tell our boys that it’s okay to be strong, ambitious, and assertive, but these traits must be tempered by good character, self-control, and a purpose bigger than themselves.
To quote the very ‘manly’ Roman emperor and philosopher Marcus Aurelius
“What makes for a worthy goal? Not to chase things that are popularly considered good, like pleasures and fame, but to live according to your nature, following reason and benefiting society.”
#3 Our Children Think that Social Media is ‘Real Life’ – They Need to Know It’s Not
The programme hinted that one reason Jamie might have committed the murder was that the victim embarrassed him online.
As more children build up their digital profiles, social media perception becomes more important than ever. And it’s making us more unhappy as a result.
Research suggests up to 60% of online users feel social media lowers their self-esteem4.’
When we were growing up, the only people we compared ourselves to were the other kids in the neighbourhood.
Now our young people are comparing themselves to every other kid on Earth! That’s a tough gig.
We need to show our kids that they are worth more than the likes and impressions on their social media profiles.
Our kids must understand that social media profiles are 'life's highlight reels'. Most influencers hide their failures, struggles and insecurities behind their perfect 'touched-up' pictures.
This is where talking words of affirmation and kindness must come in – we need to let our young people know they are loved and appreciated. We need to now, more than ever, tell our kids:
• How proud we are of them
• How much we appreciate them
• And how capable they are even when things seem bleak
If we give them the affirmation and guidance they need, they will be less reliant on social media to do it for them.
#4 Adults Need to Master Creating ‘Safe Spaces.’
The last scene with Jamie’s father, Eddie, was utterly heartbreaking.
After the gravity of Jamie’s act hits him, Eddie retreats to Jamie’s room and breaks down, knowing his son will face decades in prison.
He picks up his son’s teddy and gently tucks it into the bed, uttering:
“I’m sorry son. I should have done better.”
Gut-wrenching.
Eddie blamed himself because he believed he didn’t have the ‘tools’ to help his boy.
Adults, we need to create safe spaces for genuine connections that help young people process their emotions and learn about their feelings.
The best way to help our students handle their emotions is to let them see how we handle ours and learn from our mistakes. Our ability to be honest, vulnerable and open will help them respond in kind.
In Adolescence, there is a harrowing scene where the murdered girl’s friend was distraught and had a vicious fight in the playground. However, one kind teacher gave her space to express her feelings and connect with her pain.
We all have that power.
This is why I am passionate about ‘The Action Hero Teacher’ and ‘Teach Outside The Robot.’
This is why, starting this month, I’m committed to posting
more videos on my Instagram and TikTok pages.
As mentioned, I found myself in a potential ‘Jamie’ situation. I was fortunate with the support and guidance that I had.
However, I was equipped with communication skills to de-escalate the situation and help prevent a tragic outcome.
If you haven't already, please get some trauma-informed practice CPD. In these difficult times, a little knowledge could mean so much to the lives of the young people you interact with.
If you watch this program, learn the key lessons, and save a young person from harm, that’s four hours well spent.
Adolescence is a grim but sobering window into the lives of our 21st-century kids. Let's learn the lessons and help them thrive in these difficult times.
That’s it for today.
I’m taking a break over Easter, so your next TOTR edition will be on Thursday 1st May 2025.
See you then.
Karl
- https://youthendowmentfund.org.uk/news/70-of-teens-see-real-life-violence-on-social-media-reveals-new-research/
- Amit Singh Kalley created a brilliant resource called the 'Periodic Table for Sinister Emojis.' Find it here on his LinkedIn profile https://tinyurl.com/4vm5hpdh
- https://www.amnesty.org.uk/press-releases/toxic-tech-new-polling-exposes-widespread-online-misogyny-driving-gen-z-away-social
- https://electroiq.com/stats/social-media-mental-health-statistics/
